This week, I'd like to take a few minutes to share an issue that means a great deal to me. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for letting me hang with you. Let's have an Artist PlayDate Powwow.
Recently, I had a chance to speak with several, fabulous artists who each shared a fear about going out on a limb and taking major risks with their art. There were so many things I wanted to say and that I did say. I spoke about the beauty I saw in their work and how I admired the risks that they were taking. However, there was one sentence I wanted to share, one sentence that changed my own life. I wanted to say, "Take ownership of your gorgeous work" and I'd like to explain why.
Not long ago, I had lunch with an editor I'd worked with once on an article. As we talked about writing, I asked her what it had been like to work with me. She said several complimentary things before admitting that throughout the process she'd had one major concern. "I wanted you to take ownership of your piece," she said.
Whenever she'd asked me to expand on certain parts of the story, she said I did just that. I expanded enough to answer her question without taking it any further. Although I did not completely comprehend her meaning, I nodded. Inside, I felt that little flicker of acknowledgement; there was a part of me that agreed with something she said but it would take some time for me to fully digest the meaning of those words.
"Ownership", as defined by Webster's Dictionary, is the state, relation, or fact of being an owner. So, I went home, printed out the piece, wrote my name on top like I had when I was in grammar school and stared at it accepting the fact that I was its owner. Then, I held up the manuscript and said aloud, "This is mine. I made this." However, writing and saying those words did nothing for me. I did not feel any more proud of the work I’d completed nor did I feel a greater sense of "ownership". Instead I felt like a young child awaiting the gold star and that’s when it hit me.
Throughout my life, when I've decided to go after something - a job, an article, a dream - I've put my best foot forward and gone after it with everything in me. With nothing to compare myself to, I would present my best self. For example, I remember a job I wanted that required applicants to write a mock press release as part of the application process. To be honest, once I read the application requirement I knew I could do it; I was more excited about rising to the challenge then I was about applying for the position. Knowing the company from seeing their products in stores and loving the originality of the creator, I drafted a press release that I thought represented the products well but also represented my own wit and humor as a writer. When I landed the position a short time later, I was beside myself. My writing had the power to open doors; I was walking on cloud nine.
Yet, that first day as I trailed the previous Director, I began to sabotage myself. As I watched this woman who knew the job inside and out, who had little time or patience for me and who made me feel as though I was lacking in everything from skill to general personality, I stopped thinking about what I had just accomplished as a writer and started believing that I was incapable of doing the job. It never occurred to me that she might have had a bone to pick with her former employer or that she was threatened by the writing talent she learned I had. Instead, I began to wonder whether I had any talent. I began to worry about whether or not my co-workers would like me and whether the owner was really the evil, raving lunatic this woman claimed she would be to me. And that’s not even the worst thing that happened. The worst part was that I lost confidence in myself. Comparison shopping and approval seeking combined with lack of self-belief were the torpedoes that sunk my "ownership" boat.
Although the job and writing the article were two very different experiences, my behavior in both had been the same. I had worked incredibly hard to land the piece in the magazine by pitching my idea and then proudly sharing pieces of writing that I was exceptionally proud of. “You have a distinct voice that reaches people,” said the Executive Editor when I first shared my work and I agreed with that assessment.
I knocked down that door at that magazine but the moment I was on the inside I turned into the “I hope she likes this” approval seeking person. I was more concerned with the editor liking my work than anything else. There are people who knock down doors and then once inside take the place by storm and rise to the top. Why was I not like that?
That’s when I had that “Oh, right I get it now” moment and realized that I can be like that; it just takes a little work. Ownership is about far more than stamping your name on your creation. It’s about more than calling yourself its owner and saying, “I made that". Ownership is about having a deep belief in yourself and trusting that there is room enough in this world for your voice to be heard. When I realized I needed to change my thinking and some of my behaviors in an effort to take ownership of my work, I decided to start my journey by asking myself the question, "Why do you write?" I write because I cannot help myself. If I don't I get jammed up. Life feels stale when I’m not experiencing it and then sharing my experience with you. I discovered that when I write and I am being true to myself, you can hear it. You will hear my “voice”, you will see me lying on the page as I share that which is in the center of my soul.
That thought led to my next question, "Why expose yourself and risk being vulnerable before others?" The answer is that I write from my heart, I share thoughts, ideas and lessons I've learned because I’m desperately interested – not in whether or not you like what I have to say – but in hearing your experience. I long for a conversation with you and whether you respond with a creation, a piece of writing or both, I cannot wait to see what ideas are sparked; I cannot wait to learn and grow with you. Writing, art, all of it is a search for connection with myself, my world and with you. I believe that good will come from sharing.
The next step in my ownership journey was eliminating my need for approval but there's more to that than meets the eye. I needed to eliminate my concern for whether people like something I've created or not which is hard. It's difficult to hear negative criticism because we all want to be liked. I've never heard anyone say, "I really hope they hate me." Then again, positive praise carries its own weight as its highly additive. But I did not want the things I created or the way I perceived myself to be based on positive or negative feedback; I simply wanted to create because that's what is inside of me. So, I strived to limit that effect.
When people share their words - good or bad - about my work, I hear it and acknowledge it but I try to keep my focus on creating. I want to remain free from the power that positive and negative words can have upon me but that’s no small feat. Although people's words are often more of a reflection on what's going on with them then a reflection on me, that didn't change the fact that I knew negative words had the potential to cut into me and seep inside like an infection. While the good ones had the power to lift me to new heights but I needed to remain cautious as to how high I soared. I never wanted to lose sight of my creation foundation. I don't want to start continually creating variations of the thing that brought about the praise because that's what people like to see. If I do, I'll no longer challenge myself to create new pieces and those piece allow growth and the ability to reach my full potential as an artist and a human being. So, I acknowledge the words but try to stay true to my art. There are some words I take with me and use them like water and sunlight to grow. There are some I carry in my heart because they keep me humble. Mainly, I just try to believe in myself and therein lies the hardest part.
There are many writers and artists out there creating exceptional works of beauty. Many times, I've found myself comparing and that always leads to a dry spell. I stop creating because I believe that my art simply doesn't measure up. However, I have other days when I can't wait to celebrate my creation and share it with you. Those are the days when I remember that there is enough room in the world for my voice. There is no magic potion, no trick to remembering to believe in yourself. It's just something you have to get up every single day and remind yourself. We are all so different; all you have to do is take a spin through here on a Thursday to see that. And that is something to be celebrated. We can all be given the same idea but our wonderfully unique minds will take it and create something brand new, something that's never been and something that's 100% born from our own mind and heart. I tell myself that everyday and then I start creating.
The journey of learning to take ownership of my work is long. I often lose my way, lose my nerve and forget to hold my own hand and trust my own heart. However, souls like you often help to guide me back to my first love and passion, creation. My work is not to be judged. It is simply to be done and then released. I believe that’s the final part of ownership. You need to trust that there is a time to let it go and let it begin its journey out into the world.
If I were to define "ownership", I would say that it's belief, trust, focus, love and letting go. I bet even car dealers would agree with me. We all have a "voice", it is ours; let us be its proud owners.
Recently, I had a chance to speak with several, fabulous artists who each shared a fear about going out on a limb and taking major risks with their art. There were so many things I wanted to say and that I did say. I spoke about the beauty I saw in their work and how I admired the risks that they were taking. However, there was one sentence I wanted to share, one sentence that changed my own life. I wanted to say, "Take ownership of your gorgeous work" and I'd like to explain why.
Not long ago, I had lunch with an editor I'd worked with once on an article. As we talked about writing, I asked her what it had been like to work with me. She said several complimentary things before admitting that throughout the process she'd had one major concern. "I wanted you to take ownership of your piece," she said.
Whenever she'd asked me to expand on certain parts of the story, she said I did just that. I expanded enough to answer her question without taking it any further. Although I did not completely comprehend her meaning, I nodded. Inside, I felt that little flicker of acknowledgement; there was a part of me that agreed with something she said but it would take some time for me to fully digest the meaning of those words.
"Ownership", as defined by Webster's Dictionary, is the state, relation, or fact of being an owner. So, I went home, printed out the piece, wrote my name on top like I had when I was in grammar school and stared at it accepting the fact that I was its owner. Then, I held up the manuscript and said aloud, "This is mine. I made this." However, writing and saying those words did nothing for me. I did not feel any more proud of the work I’d completed nor did I feel a greater sense of "ownership". Instead I felt like a young child awaiting the gold star and that’s when it hit me.
Throughout my life, when I've decided to go after something - a job, an article, a dream - I've put my best foot forward and gone after it with everything in me. With nothing to compare myself to, I would present my best self. For example, I remember a job I wanted that required applicants to write a mock press release as part of the application process. To be honest, once I read the application requirement I knew I could do it; I was more excited about rising to the challenge then I was about applying for the position. Knowing the company from seeing their products in stores and loving the originality of the creator, I drafted a press release that I thought represented the products well but also represented my own wit and humor as a writer. When I landed the position a short time later, I was beside myself. My writing had the power to open doors; I was walking on cloud nine.
Yet, that first day as I trailed the previous Director, I began to sabotage myself. As I watched this woman who knew the job inside and out, who had little time or patience for me and who made me feel as though I was lacking in everything from skill to general personality, I stopped thinking about what I had just accomplished as a writer and started believing that I was incapable of doing the job. It never occurred to me that she might have had a bone to pick with her former employer or that she was threatened by the writing talent she learned I had. Instead, I began to wonder whether I had any talent. I began to worry about whether or not my co-workers would like me and whether the owner was really the evil, raving lunatic this woman claimed she would be to me. And that’s not even the worst thing that happened. The worst part was that I lost confidence in myself. Comparison shopping and approval seeking combined with lack of self-belief were the torpedoes that sunk my "ownership" boat.
Although the job and writing the article were two very different experiences, my behavior in both had been the same. I had worked incredibly hard to land the piece in the magazine by pitching my idea and then proudly sharing pieces of writing that I was exceptionally proud of. “You have a distinct voice that reaches people,” said the Executive Editor when I first shared my work and I agreed with that assessment.
I knocked down that door at that magazine but the moment I was on the inside I turned into the “I hope she likes this” approval seeking person. I was more concerned with the editor liking my work than anything else. There are people who knock down doors and then once inside take the place by storm and rise to the top. Why was I not like that?
That’s when I had that “Oh, right I get it now” moment and realized that I can be like that; it just takes a little work. Ownership is about far more than stamping your name on your creation. It’s about more than calling yourself its owner and saying, “I made that". Ownership is about having a deep belief in yourself and trusting that there is room enough in this world for your voice to be heard. When I realized I needed to change my thinking and some of my behaviors in an effort to take ownership of my work, I decided to start my journey by asking myself the question, "Why do you write?" I write because I cannot help myself. If I don't I get jammed up. Life feels stale when I’m not experiencing it and then sharing my experience with you. I discovered that when I write and I am being true to myself, you can hear it. You will hear my “voice”, you will see me lying on the page as I share that which is in the center of my soul.
That thought led to my next question, "Why expose yourself and risk being vulnerable before others?" The answer is that I write from my heart, I share thoughts, ideas and lessons I've learned because I’m desperately interested – not in whether or not you like what I have to say – but in hearing your experience. I long for a conversation with you and whether you respond with a creation, a piece of writing or both, I cannot wait to see what ideas are sparked; I cannot wait to learn and grow with you. Writing, art, all of it is a search for connection with myself, my world and with you. I believe that good will come from sharing.
The next step in my ownership journey was eliminating my need for approval but there's more to that than meets the eye. I needed to eliminate my concern for whether people like something I've created or not which is hard. It's difficult to hear negative criticism because we all want to be liked. I've never heard anyone say, "I really hope they hate me." Then again, positive praise carries its own weight as its highly additive. But I did not want the things I created or the way I perceived myself to be based on positive or negative feedback; I simply wanted to create because that's what is inside of me. So, I strived to limit that effect.
When people share their words - good or bad - about my work, I hear it and acknowledge it but I try to keep my focus on creating. I want to remain free from the power that positive and negative words can have upon me but that’s no small feat. Although people's words are often more of a reflection on what's going on with them then a reflection on me, that didn't change the fact that I knew negative words had the potential to cut into me and seep inside like an infection. While the good ones had the power to lift me to new heights but I needed to remain cautious as to how high I soared. I never wanted to lose sight of my creation foundation. I don't want to start continually creating variations of the thing that brought about the praise because that's what people like to see. If I do, I'll no longer challenge myself to create new pieces and those piece allow growth and the ability to reach my full potential as an artist and a human being. So, I acknowledge the words but try to stay true to my art. There are some words I take with me and use them like water and sunlight to grow. There are some I carry in my heart because they keep me humble. Mainly, I just try to believe in myself and therein lies the hardest part.
There are many writers and artists out there creating exceptional works of beauty. Many times, I've found myself comparing and that always leads to a dry spell. I stop creating because I believe that my art simply doesn't measure up. However, I have other days when I can't wait to celebrate my creation and share it with you. Those are the days when I remember that there is enough room in the world for my voice. There is no magic potion, no trick to remembering to believe in yourself. It's just something you have to get up every single day and remind yourself. We are all so different; all you have to do is take a spin through here on a Thursday to see that. And that is something to be celebrated. We can all be given the same idea but our wonderfully unique minds will take it and create something brand new, something that's never been and something that's 100% born from our own mind and heart. I tell myself that everyday and then I start creating.
The journey of learning to take ownership of my work is long. I often lose my way, lose my nerve and forget to hold my own hand and trust my own heart. However, souls like you often help to guide me back to my first love and passion, creation. My work is not to be judged. It is simply to be done and then released. I believe that’s the final part of ownership. You need to trust that there is a time to let it go and let it begin its journey out into the world.
If I were to define "ownership", I would say that it's belief, trust, focus, love and letting go. I bet even car dealers would agree with me. We all have a "voice", it is ours; let us be its proud owners.
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